Ordinary Things and Unordinary Grace

I have lots of memories of my mom throwing a hissy fit and then suddenly snapping out of it to answer the phone with the sweetest "hello?" anyone could muster. I hated that. I strive to be real with my girls.  We have had frequent play dates for the past few weeks, and it's so much easier to be the grace-filled-mom when others are watching. I get why my mom acted that way.

Today, I said no to any social appointments and told the girls we were just going to have a "Me and Audrey and Bethy Day." I wasn't perfect and I know was too emotional for the first part of the day, but we were able to take our time doing a project, relax and watch a tv show while cuddled up, read some books and do some cooking together. 

Our project. Isn't it beautiful and Pinterest-y?!

At the end of the night, I was thinking about how I love the ordinary things about my girls. They don't have to be picture perfect all the time: just spending an ordinary weekday, doing ordinary everyday chores and having ordinary sibling rivalry issues and ordinary preschool attention spans while having ordinary little conversations with them makes me so happy to be their mom. I hope that my type a tendencies don't put too much pressure on them to be something they're not. I want to love them for who they are and enjoy their ordinary weekday selves just as much as I enjoy them when they give their best efforts or have their lowest moments. 

Ordinary day 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haha, just kidding! That's the picture perfect and here's the ordinary: 

Anyway, speaking of low moments, at the end of the day, I was also thinking that I was a lot grumpier than I would have been in the company of others. I was a little harsh when Audrey back talked me this morning. I was probably expecting too much of Bethany when I insisted that she put away the almonds she spilled. I huffed when the girls were making too much noise when I tried to hide in the bathroom for a minute of quiet. Maybe I'm not so good at "being real." Maybe I'm just a grump unless there's someone to show off for. 

And then I overheard my oldest telling my husband that her favorite part of the day was "having the me and mommy and Bethy time today." She said it with her sweet, little four year old sleepy voice. It's the best. Score. 

 

This is only possible because of Jesus. I could be so bitter from my past, but he's somehow miraculously enabled me to have empathy for those who caused past hurts (not a whole, whole lot, but I'm getting there!), given the ability to love and live differently, (because y'all, it was NOT ME who was able to be stuck in the house all day with some crazy wild children and still have a gentle voice when one of them STILL hadn't picked up her toys) and on top of that, he's given me such a precious relationship with my own daughters and let me see how much they love me (which just shows me how much HE loves me). 

 

Sometimes His grace is too much for my little heart. Sometimes sleepy four-year-olds are too.

How To Get Through The Hard Days

A friend of mine posted a question to moms: how do you get through the hard days? I had a day yesterday that I just was not sure I would get through: Bethy was constantly covered in something sticky, Audrey was constantly hungry, and I was constantly needed... and then I got pulled over for rolling through a stop sign in my neighborhood! Seriously?! My kids are so much fun and I love staying home with them, but some days just wear me out and I look like this:

Being a mom is tough, life is even harder, and I can't do it alone. I'm type a with a capital A, so of course I have a list for that! These don't solve all life's problems, but that's ok, because sometimes having problems is good for us! Sometimes my struggles grow me and make me better and bring closer to Jesus and make me lean on Him more. Sometimes I try everything I know how to do and I still end the day by having a good cry and passing out on the bed without brushing my teeth. These are really personal lists, but I thought maybe someone out there could use them as a starting point for their own place to turn on "those" days. 

List 1: What to remember when my attitude is not right

Sometimes I just stop and pray OUT LOUD "God, I need you right now. I'm in a terrible mood and I need help getting out of it. Please change my heart and help me to remember that I'm really here to glorify you by showing your love to others." -or something like that. I want my kids to know that I depend on God and learn that they can cry out to him too when they need to, so I don't pray silently. I also let them listen in to my not-so-desperate prayers and quiet times as well. How also they going to learn how to pray? 

After I pray, I try to remember these things:

How you will feel in 10 min

In 1 year

In 10 years

When the kids leave for college 

I am loved, even when I'm grumpy 

Grace-I've received so much! I want to extend grace to my family

Attitude is more important than anything I need to "do" 

Everything matters. How I talk to my family matters. 

Do not compare yourself to others 

See yourself as good-the way God sees you.

Note: It might sound hokey, but at the risk of being transparent, I also have a list of things that I personally am good at and excel in. Comparing yourself to other moms is a deathtrap and focusing on the positive can change almost anything, from migraines to depression to life expectancy-and it's somethig I need to be better at! God sees me as a his beautiful daughter full of grace and truth and light. It's not because he's living in an alternative reality or because he's confused, but because that's who I really am and how I need to see myself. When I remember who I am and live out of that, my bad attitudes can't stick around for long. 

So..SMILE!!

List 2: Assess your needs (adapted from the book Desperate: hope for the mom who needs to breathe)

1. Sleep

2. Time with Jesus

3. Time with friends 

4. Exercise

5. Practical task help, delegate that to do list

6. Invest in the joy factor, with a comedy, dance, buy some flowers, light a candle, make some art, enjoy a lay in the hammock and stare up at the sky

Note: this list is important because, like a watering can, we can only bless others when we ourselves are full-something that is so easy to forget as a mom!

List 3: Time savers: a list for when I'm overwhelmed

Ouch. 

Make freezer meals by doubling any possible recipe 

Actually cook a freezer meal every now and then

Have a easy meal planned for at least once a week

Use paper plates occasionally 

Do not feel obligated to spend time with Jake after the kids are in bed. It's ok for him to be alone. 

Have a rest time for the kids and myself everyday whether or not they actually nap. 

List ONLY appointments on to do list, absolutely no craft projects 

Limit to do list to three items

No more photography giveaways or LivingSocial deals

Limit sessions to every other week

Keep cleaners and rags in bathroom-wipe down while kids are in bath. 

Limit household shopping: only go when necessary! We don't NEED everything we think we do as soon as we think to put it on the grocery list. 

Have an "errand day" and run all errands only once a week in order of priority. If it doesn't get done on errand day, it'll have to wait until the next one. 

Limit phone/computer time- such a distraction and energy sucker 

Have family clean up time before bed

Set up breakfast/coffeepot the night before 

Cook all meat and chop all veggies for the week at one time

Keep a sink full of soapy water to toss dirty dishes into as you cook

Note: I loathe paper plates. They're so wasteful and expensive and stupid and all the designs are ugly anyway. But, sometimes in this stage of life, my sanity is saved by allowing extra convenience, and it's worth it. Also, ask your husband for ideas on how to save time- men are good at that kind of thing. 

It was good for me to revisit these and I hope they help someone out there get the wheels turning on how they can have fewer bad days, because let's face it-we just don't have enough time for bad days! Aaand now I have to go clean up the entire cup of coffee my 14 month old just spilled all over my white carpet...

Butler Family Adoption Session

To capture this session was truly an honor. I've been photographing sweet, smiling Maddie for a couple of years now and she melts my heart every time. This time, my heart was already melted before the session even started.

 Maddie is being adopted by her grandparents and can you believe it?? They chose me to document this special growth of their family.
 I mean, wow. I'm so humbled that I get to capture so many special moments in my client's lives and this was absolutely one of those times.

 

There's a lot of love going on in this family. What a brave young man, to let his daughter have some special gifts that he may not have been able to otherwise provide. What a selfless sacrifice, for Patrick and Rachel to commit to raising and loving another child.

 

 

So. Much. Love.

 

Thank you, Butler family, for letting me have this small part (which was huge to me!) and letting me see, first hand, how much love is in adoption, and thank you to all of my clients for all the warm-fuzzy-heart-melting you so generously share.

 

Stanfordphotography.photoshelter.com

Going Through the Motions

Yesterday I had one of those "going through the motions" sort of days. I went to work with the mindset of "I'm gonna go in there, get the stuff done, and get out of there." I wasn't thinking about the people that I'm helping (in the background) to see the healing and grace that Christ offers. 

After work, I picked up the kids and ran a bunch of errands. Instead of making the errands fun and interacting with the kids, I was only thinking about what was next on the list and looking at my watch. 

Before I knew it, the day was over and gone and opportunities were missed. It was wasted. I hate days like that! 

I went to bed thinking about how I don't have many days to waste. My days on earth are numbered! In the end, I will regret any day that was spent just running from thing to thing. I need purpose. I need something bigger than my to do list. 

God is bigger. In grace, in reality, in love and in purpose. 

Today is not ordinary. There is nothing in medical science that can make a heart start beating. In open heart surgery, the doctor can do absolutely everything right, but he can't make the new heart work. 

It's a miracle that I'm alive today. 

It's a miracle that I have these two gifts everyday. 

The sun is a giant ball of gas and we're on a giant ball of rock, spinning at a million miles an hour. Today is not ordinary. God has set it all into motion for a reason that's bigger than our tedious day to day. That reason is to make himself known through us, to everyone we come in contact with. The reason is to show His love. And that's what should be the reason behind everything I do. 

I thought about all this before I got out of bed today and asked God to set it so deeply in my heart that no amount of tedious task, no interactions or sink full of dishes, at least for today, can make me forget it. 

He spoke to me there, in His comforting, gentle way, and assured me that even when I forget, things still matter and that He's always there to remind me if I can just go to Him. And just when I thought our conversation was done, I got this in an email: 

Why obey God?

Eph. 6:5-6: Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart (NIV).

Have you ever seen a child who is forced to apologize or say "thank you"? Their rigid posture and monotone voice betrays their real intent. Sometimes our obedience to God takes on a similar tone. It helps to ask ourselves, "Why do I serve the Lord?" Is it to gain His favor, earn His blessings, impress others with our "godliness", or avoid His wrath? Or is it because He commands me to do it?

As we are bombarded with the demands of life on earth, we often lose sight of the eternal perspective. Start your day by recognizing who He is and what He has done. This will help you obey Him not from a robotic sense of duty, but from the overflow of thankfulness that is in your heart. After all, He has already given you the greatest gift of all: Jesus Christ. This gift was given to you long before you were able to serve Him in any way.

Obey God because you love Him above all things."

I'm so thankful that Jesus made a way for me to speak to God and that He's never far, no matter how distant my mind is.