I have lots of memories of my mom throwing a hissy fit and then suddenly snapping out of it to answer the phone with the sweetest "hello?" anyone could muster. I hated that. I strive to be real with my girls. We have had frequent play dates for the past few weeks, and it's so much easier to be the grace-filled-mom when others are watching. I get why my mom acted that way.
Today, I said no to any social appointments and told the girls we were just going to have a "Me and Audrey and Bethy Day." I wasn't perfect and I know was too emotional for the first part of the day, but we were able to take our time doing a project, relax and watch a tv show while cuddled up, read some books and do some cooking together.
Our project. Isn't it beautiful and Pinterest-y?!
At the end of the night, I was thinking about how I love the ordinary things about my girls. They don't have to be picture perfect all the time: just spending an ordinary weekday, doing ordinary everyday chores and having ordinary sibling rivalry issues and ordinary preschool attention spans while having ordinary little conversations with them makes me so happy to be their mom. I hope that my type a tendencies don't put too much pressure on them to be something they're not. I want to love them for who they are and enjoy their ordinary weekday selves just as much as I enjoy them when they give their best efforts or have their lowest moments.
Ordinary day
Haha, just kidding! That's the picture perfect and here's the ordinary:
Anyway, speaking of low moments, at the end of the day, I was also thinking that I was a lot grumpier than I would have been in the company of others. I was a little harsh when Audrey back talked me this morning. I was probably expecting too much of Bethany when I insisted that she put away the almonds she spilled. I huffed when the girls were making too much noise when I tried to hide in the bathroom for a minute of quiet. Maybe I'm not so good at "being real." Maybe I'm just a grump unless there's someone to show off for.
And then I overheard my oldest telling my husband that her favorite part of the day was "having the me and mommy and Bethy time today." She said it with her sweet, little four year old sleepy voice. It's the best. Score.
This is only possible because of Jesus. I could be so bitter from my past, but he's somehow miraculously enabled me to have empathy for those who caused past hurts (not a whole, whole lot, but I'm getting there!), given the ability to love and live differently, (because y'all, it was NOT ME who was able to be stuck in the house all day with some crazy wild children and still have a gentle voice when one of them STILL hadn't picked up her toys) and on top of that, he's given me such a precious relationship with my own daughters and let me see how much they love me (which just shows me how much HE loves me).
Sometimes His grace is too much for my little heart. Sometimes sleepy four-year-olds are too.
