A friend of mine posted a question to moms: how do you get through the hard days? I had a day yesterday that I just was not sure I would get through: Bethy was constantly covered in something sticky, Audrey was constantly hungry, and I was constantly needed... and then I got pulled over for rolling through a stop sign in my neighborhood! Seriously?! My kids are so much fun and I love staying home with them, but some days just wear me out and I look like this:
Being a mom is tough, life is even harder, and I can't do it alone. I'm type a with a capital A, so of course I have a list for that! These don't solve all life's problems, but that's ok, because sometimes having problems is good for us! Sometimes my struggles grow me and make me better and bring closer to Jesus and make me lean on Him more. Sometimes I try everything I know how to do and I still end the day by having a good cry and passing out on the bed without brushing my teeth. These are really personal lists, but I thought maybe someone out there could use them as a starting point for their own place to turn on "those" days.
List 1: What to remember when my attitude is not right
Sometimes I just stop and pray OUT LOUD "God, I need you right now. I'm in a terrible mood and I need help getting out of it. Please change my heart and help me to remember that I'm really here to glorify you by showing your love to others." -or something like that. I want my kids to know that I depend on God and learn that they can cry out to him too when they need to, so I don't pray silently. I also let them listen in to my not-so-desperate prayers and quiet times as well. How also they going to learn how to pray?
After I pray, I try to remember these things:
How you will feel in 10 min
In 1 year
In 10 years
When the kids leave for college
I am loved, even when I'm grumpy
Grace-I've received so much! I want to extend grace to my family
Attitude is more important than anything I need to "do"
Everything matters. How I talk to my family matters.
Do not compare yourself to others
See yourself as good-the way God sees you.
Note: It might sound hokey, but at the risk of being transparent, I also have a list of things that I personally am good at and excel in. Comparing yourself to other moms is a deathtrap and focusing on the positive can change almost anything, from migraines to depression to life expectancy-and it's somethig I need to be better at! God sees me as a his beautiful daughter full of grace and truth and light. It's not because he's living in an alternative reality or because he's confused, but because that's who I really am and how I need to see myself. When I remember who I am and live out of that, my bad attitudes can't stick around for long.
So..SMILE!!
List 2: Assess your needs (adapted from the book Desperate: hope for the mom who needs to breathe)
1. Sleep
2. Time with Jesus
3. Time with friends
4. Exercise
5. Practical task help, delegate that to do list
6. Invest in the joy factor, with a comedy, dance, buy some flowers, light a candle, make some art, enjoy a lay in the hammock and stare up at the sky
Note: this list is important because, like a watering can, we can only bless others when we ourselves are full-something that is so easy to forget as a mom!
List 3: Time savers: a list for when I'm overwhelmed
Ouch.
Make freezer meals by doubling any possible recipe
Actually cook a freezer meal every now and then
Have a easy meal planned for at least once a week
Use paper plates occasionally
Do not feel obligated to spend time with Jake after the kids are in bed. It's ok for him to be alone.
Have a rest time for the kids and myself everyday whether or not they actually nap.
List ONLY appointments on to do list, absolutely no craft projects
Limit to do list to three items
No more photography giveaways or LivingSocial deals
Limit sessions to every other week
Keep cleaners and rags in bathroom-wipe down while kids are in bath.
Limit household shopping: only go when necessary! We don't NEED everything we think we do as soon as we think to put it on the grocery list.
Have an "errand day" and run all errands only once a week in order of priority. If it doesn't get done on errand day, it'll have to wait until the next one.
Limit phone/computer time- such a distraction and energy sucker
Have family clean up time before bed
Set up breakfast/coffeepot the night before
Cook all meat and chop all veggies for the week at one time
Keep a sink full of soapy water to toss dirty dishes into as you cook
Note: I loathe paper plates. They're so wasteful and expensive and stupid and all the designs are ugly anyway. But, sometimes in this stage of life, my sanity is saved by allowing extra convenience, and it's worth it. Also, ask your husband for ideas on how to save time- men are good at that kind of thing.
It was good for me to revisit these and I hope they help someone out there get the wheels turning on how they can have fewer bad days, because let's face it-we just don't have enough time for bad days! Aaand now I have to go clean up the entire cup of coffee my 14 month old just spilled all over my white carpet...
